Haruki Murakami.. An Expansion on Uncertainty

‘You are 27 or 28 right? It is very tough to live at that age. When nothing is sure. I have sympathy with you.’ – Haruki Murakami 

— At the moment, feelings of uncertainty are stirring me and to try and process these feelings, I thought I’d just write. Free flowing. See if it helps me understand this unavoidable cravat in life. At the moment I am seeing it in that way- something negative and anxiety inducing. However, I’d like to dig deeper into my thought system and find positives in the statement ‘the only thing certain in life is death and taxes’. For me uncertainty arouses deep whirlpools of fear that manifest in repetitive thoughts of self-doubt and while I try and appear to be confident, and yes, over the years I have progressed in my efforts, I can’t help but wonder if that quiet masochistic voice buried somewhere deep in my amygdala has been right all along or if its up to its usual self-sabotage antics – there is nothing wrong with thinking further and being concerned, it is simply part of the unique problem-solving characteristic of our species. So here we go. Let’s explore it (briefly, because I’m tired and I wanted to write a story but we will do that tomorrow).

Uncertainty can be viewed from two entirely different platforms; wonder and fear. Of course, there is a spectrum but if I were hosting the Uncertainty World Tour 2019, I’d headline the stages as such. At the Wonder stage, we see bright lights and promise, a beacon of excitement. It is the stage filled with millions of doors, nooks and holes, some of them bejewelled, some minimalist, yet each one having a unique call beckoning us to choose our aspired path and make the great leap into the unknown. Indeed, such a moment is akin to that shrill final finishing bell at school, no longer are you bound to a mandatory education system or timetable that reigns over your minutes, and while you may feel a small pang of nostalgia tug at your heart, you are now free. Free to be whoever you want to be. Free and (somewhat) equipped to take authorship, ownership and responsibility for your life’s tale. The adventure begins; mind open, eyes clear, hopeful.

The other stage, however, is probably just as expansive but the lighting is dim, at times almost midnight black. We can’t see the doors. We can hear the tap of our footsteps echo in the silence and see shadows in the corner but can’t quite make out what they are. This uncertainty is frightening. What if I fall down because I can’t see where I slowly place each foot. What if I make a mistake and open the wrong door. What if I lose someone due to a choice I made in haste. What if they disappear. What if I disappoint or fail to protect loved ones. These uncertainties are unavoidable and ultimately, despite your efforts, as I said previously, the stage is dark. Why is it dark? Because you are letting fear take centre stage instead of accepting that some things are simply beyond your control. Once you accept this, the stage will brighten and shadows and prospective pathways available won’t be as frightening. The stage will light up (albeit slowly) once you see the positives…because ultimately, there’s a lesson, painful or beautiful, behind every experience. You are the star of your life so make it meaningful, exciting and don’t be fearful of the ups and downs – just like a symphony, it can be beautiful if you let it, highs and lows constitute the true human experience. Live hard.

Okay – so uncertainty, have somewhat mastered you tonight ….still hate you though in particular contexts rahrrr